Whenever you work on something, i believe one of the teeny wheeny light which kept you going would be the praises and pat-on-backs showered on you afterwards.

of course, that never fails to keep me going. however, i find it ironic that it seems that the closer you are to the person, the harder it is for the person to praise you or at least appreciate what you've done.

for example, ms ng kindly burnt a disc of the syf actual dance for all the dancers and i proudly brought it home, awaiting approvals of my greatest success in my short 15 years of life. when i reached home, i inserted the disc into the player and asked my mother to watch with me. however, all she said was 'im running late. next time' fine. its okay. so i watched the 6 min video on my own. i must say, we seriously done well. i almost teared as i stared into the screen. it was 60% hard work 30% determination and 11% of luck. yes. it makes up 101%. it reminded me of the time where we would all leave the hall with a patch of sweat on our backs. and days where i had to sit on the stage and watch. and watch. and watch. feeling the pain in my back and the pain in my heart. being unable to practice with my fellow dancers. all because of some eff slip disc.

i wanted to play it again, and invited dad to watch it with me. he reluctantly agreed. all he had to say was ''why so small. why like this, why like that.'' criticise criticise criticise. what else? i happily asked my brother if he would like to watch it. in less than 5 seconds, i received his answer. ''no.'' he said, coldy. i asked him why. and he said ''its boring.''

its okay, i told myself. 'i still have mummy!' so i placed the disc into the player and got my mother to watch it. all i got was ''you also never stand right infront. that one is you meh. so fast gone liao. you also not the lead..'' forget it. forget it hazel.

i can't believe it. i mean, my teachers showered us with praises. telling us how good we were and how wonderful we did. my principal congratulated us with open arms. in a day, dance club has transformed from a downright cca to one of the top. how much better can life get? indeed, life ain't that great. i can't even get approvals from my parents. what were they expecting? can't they just at least tell me a white lie? it sure is better than all their useless fucked up comments.

LIFE'S GOOD.